RW, Using "They" for Pronouns

By Nate Feldman

Lately, more and more people have stopped using pronouns, such as he or she to describe themselves and would prefer to be called “they/them” when being referenced.  They do this for a variety of reasons.  For example, perhaps they do not wish to be identified with their assigned birth gender, or they don’t feel they belong to any gender.  But, should we do as they ask, or should we continue calling people he or she?  In my point of view, you should call people what they want.

If someone tells you that they want to be referenced as they/them, it is respectful and polite to do as they ask.  I don’t believe that it is my responsibility to tell you how you think you should feel.  For example, if you don’t feel comfortable being called he or she, why is that something that bothers me?  It doesn’t affect my life, so I should do as you ask.  I don’t play the role of identity police.

In addition, there are a lot of people who feel that their identity is not based on their biological bodies, but it is based on how they feel in their minds about themselves.  Once again, if that is how they feel, I cannot enter another person’s consciousness.   If they tell me, they don’t feel they identify with a certain gender, then I trust they know themselves better than I do.  To me, these identities are similar to choices of our diets.  You can’t tell people what they should and shouldn’t eat if they don’t want to. 

Some people have argued that these calls for gender-neutral pronouns are ridiculous because you are either a male or a female, and thus we have the words he and she to describe that.  Once again, people are not saying to get rid of the words he or she.  They are merely suggesting that they/them is more appropriate for people who do not want to conform to those ideas.

To conclude, you don’t have to use they/them for yourself if you don’t want, but for those who do, I suggest to be respectful and let them identify themselves the way they want.  Thank you!  

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